Here we are. The last day of one crazy decade. The Aughts have been filled with some crazy events: terrorist attacks, natural disasters, celebrity meltdowns, Youtube. But what I most notice about the double 0's how much I, and the people around me, have changed. At midnight on Jan. 1, 2000, I was a avid church-going high school sophomore who secretly and internally let out one great sigh of relief when Y2K didn't cause the world to implode. Right now...I'm whatever I am now, but I know I am not what I was then. During the 00's, I...
Moved out of my parents' house
Seriously debated moving back in with my parents when times got really tough
Made some friends I now consider to be brothers
Got my first F in high school
Got in two auto collisions
Attended FAMU, hated it, begrudgingly took a liking to it, loved it, made friends with people completely different from myself while there
Learned you can't handle ANY kind of FAMU business over the phone
Developed a thicker skin and much higher standards
Discovered my passion
Discovered what is definitely not my passion
Began secretly judging people when they use poor grammar
Lost a little of my faith
Lost some family and friends (whether by death or drifting apart)
Became a cousin quite a few times and an uncle twice
Got a lap dance from a moderately attractive stripper who wouldn't shut the hell up
Expanded my mind and became more accepting in almost every sense possible (ALMOST)
Began to think of family's mortality
Started drinking
Smoked weed
Saw half of a Ting Tings concert
Came to the realization that I am certainly self-destructive and might be a fuck up
Forged post-high school friendships (or acquaintances) with people whom, while we were in high school, I didn't quit like
Realized the genius that is Tarantino, Lee and Burton
Got some tattoos
Saw some friends naked
Ghost-rode the whip
Almost killed a bi-racial student journalist while playing freeze tag
Learned to appreciate sports and politics
Did some dipping of the skinny
Got my niece to not be afraid of me
Became more confident, yet more self-conscious
Gave my life to The Famuan and didn't feel bad about it at all
Killed people...with laughter
Ate a candy peppermint pig on numerous occasions
Became a movie geek
Learned how to cook thanks to Food Network (Shout out to Giada, Rachel, Bobby, Paula)
Realized where my parents were coming from when they used to say "Music today just isn't the same"
Lost a tooth
Still didn't learn to swim
Stayed single while countless friends got engaged/married
Got really drunk at Colin's wedding and passed out on the way home
Fit five people in a two-door Honda Civic coup and scoured Tallahassee to find Speakerboxx/The Love Below
Voted for the first time
Voted for the first black president and cried like a baby when he won (BTW, I didn't vote for him because he was black)
Shot nude photos for a photography class...and got a B on the project
Became determined to one day take a road trip, do improv comedy, write a book/screenplay, and visit a foreign country with my homies, among other things
Embarked on a one-hour road trip JUST to visit Krystal's (Harold and Kumar will do that to you)
Bore witness to one of the worst attacks in American history
Had a great Easter 2009
Was annoyed with the bad times but absolutely loved the good time
Peed off a balcony on numerous occasions
Took part in a semi-nude chocolate pudding slip-n-slide party that evolved into breaking and entering into an apartment complex's pool where numerous people got naked and everyone turned the hot tub water brown with pudding
Wore my hair in more styles than I care to admit
Had great times with my cousins at our reunions...especially in Daytona
Was present at my first bonfire
Witness a friend vomit on himself AND my damn chair
Got kicked out of a store simply for browsing and returned three days later with my sister, cousin and their friends, gathered nearly $500 worth of merchandise, had the cashier ring it up, and "all of a sudden" decided I didn't want to pay for it. Don't fuck with the Olivers
I know I've done more with my life during the past ten years, but these times stand out to me. Even in the bad times, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded with friends and or family. The B-rand of today might seem more crass and foul than the Brandon of yesteryear, but images can be deceiving. I am more patient, more understanding and wiser than I once was.
I have a greater appreciation of people, places and experiences because I know tomorrow isn't promised. My parents might not be alive tomorrow. My big chance might not exist tomorrow. Even monuments and cities, once thought unshakable, might vanish tomorrow. So I think what I'm trying to say with all of this is that the 00's have forced me to live more in the moment. Why waist moments when our time is running out?
What stood out about your decade? Do tell?
Happy New Year
B-rand
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Paranormal Activity
Every now and then, a revolutionary comes along and, against all odds, breaks box office records and wows the movie-viewing public. "Paranormal Activity" was made with a measly $15,000 budget about three years ago. It finally found a studio to distribute the movie, but from the lack of PA commercials, I gather there was barely a budget for marketing the movie.
But what PA had going for it was positive word of mouth. From Yahoo to IMDB to RottenTomatoes to countless Facebook friends, I heard that PA was the bee's knees of low-budget horror movies. So scary that grown men admitted to screaming like 12-year-old girls in the theater. So unnerving that people wondered if they'd be able to fall asleep that night. With such positive reviews from so many outlets, how could I not watch this movie?
I met up wit two of my co-workers at AMC theaters in hopes of watching PA and being so terrified that I would lose control of one or two of my bodily function. I don't know what movie everyone else saw, but I saw 86 minutes of boring, poorly-acted, poorly-scripted bullshit. I will (without giving away the plot) run down the stuff that left me emotions and wallet feeling like they just got molested by a creepy uncle.
*Poor acting. I know the movie's minuscule budget didn't allow the power to be to hire Morgan Freeman and Maggie Smith, but I know they could have found some talented yet unknown actors to on the two lead parts. Instead we were stuck with boring, untalented Micah and Katie.
*I knew how to resolve the movie within 20 minutes. All one person in the movie had to do was kick another person out of the house for good and I think things would have been alright.
*Horrible pacing. Since there actors couldn't act, I just had to have faith that the action in the movie would more than redeem the action. I was wrong. I sat there waiting for something to happen. Nothing happen. And when something did happen, the movie ended 20 seconds later.
*It wasn't scary. I've seen my share of disturbing, vomit-inducing photos and videos, both real and fictional. So my fear tolerance is ridiculously strong. But I tend to let things slide when I watch horror movies. I let down my guard and let myself get slightly spooked by what I see. Not here. The movie was so cheesy that I found myself laughing during most of the "scary" parts.
*The length. You read correctly earlier. The movie is only an hour and and 26 minute. Had they extended the movie and added material after that one scary part at the end, I think it would have made up for the foolishness with which I had to deal.
*Why now? All this time a certain something as been going on for a long time with a certain person in this movie. And it waits until now to come to a head. Why not that other time. (If you've seen the movie, you'll know what I mean.)
I know I am very critical about movies, but when everyone in the theater gave a collective "That's it? What the fuck?", I could rest easy knowing I wasn't the only one who thought PA was a huge shit sandwich.
But what PA had going for it was positive word of mouth. From Yahoo to IMDB to RottenTomatoes to countless Facebook friends, I heard that PA was the bee's knees of low-budget horror movies. So scary that grown men admitted to screaming like 12-year-old girls in the theater. So unnerving that people wondered if they'd be able to fall asleep that night. With such positive reviews from so many outlets, how could I not watch this movie?
I met up wit two of my co-workers at AMC theaters in hopes of watching PA and being so terrified that I would lose control of one or two of my bodily function. I don't know what movie everyone else saw, but I saw 86 minutes of boring, poorly-acted, poorly-scripted bullshit. I will (without giving away the plot) run down the stuff that left me emotions and wallet feeling like they just got molested by a creepy uncle.
*Poor acting. I know the movie's minuscule budget didn't allow the power to be to hire Morgan Freeman and Maggie Smith, but I know they could have found some talented yet unknown actors to on the two lead parts. Instead we were stuck with boring, untalented Micah and Katie.
*I knew how to resolve the movie within 20 minutes. All one person in the movie had to do was kick another person out of the house for good and I think things would have been alright.
*Horrible pacing. Since there actors couldn't act, I just had to have faith that the action in the movie would more than redeem the action. I was wrong. I sat there waiting for something to happen. Nothing happen. And when something did happen, the movie ended 20 seconds later.
*It wasn't scary. I've seen my share of disturbing, vomit-inducing photos and videos, both real and fictional. So my fear tolerance is ridiculously strong. But I tend to let things slide when I watch horror movies. I let down my guard and let myself get slightly spooked by what I see. Not here. The movie was so cheesy that I found myself laughing during most of the "scary" parts.
*The length. You read correctly earlier. The movie is only an hour and and 26 minute. Had they extended the movie and added material after that one scary part at the end, I think it would have made up for the foolishness with which I had to deal.
*Why now? All this time a certain something as been going on for a long time with a certain person in this movie. And it waits until now to come to a head. Why not that other time. (If you've seen the movie, you'll know what I mean.)
I know I am very critical about movies, but when everyone in the theater gave a collective "That's it? What the fuck?", I could rest easy knowing I wasn't the only one who thought PA was a huge shit sandwich.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Operation: Take Back the Night
As far as I know, Halloween isn't until Oct. 31. So when I went into the Magic and Fun Costume Shop (on Tennessee Street next to Blockbuster and across the street form AJ's Bar and Grill in Tallahassee, Fla) on Oct. 6, I figured I could go in, browse the items, make a sound decision, and come back when I had money and set-in-stone plans for Halloween. Apparently, that's not what the owner had in mind.
My amigo, Andrew, and I had loads of time to kill that Tuesday, so I suggested we go to the costume shop so I could try to find a costume. After about 30 or 45 minutes, the owner started following Andrew and I around the store, quickly telling us how great a product was as soon as either of us picked it up. But 20 minutes later, his patience wore thin.
"Have you decided what you want to be?" the owner asked.
"Well right now, I'm shooting for a Black Mexican, a pirate who can't swim, or an obese ninja," I replied. "But I can't decide. I'm just looking right now, tho."
"OK, but here, we're all about transforming people. And if you're not willing to be transformed, we don't want to waste your time, and we don't want you wasting our time."
The owner quit talking, but he made sure to stay at the end of the aisle, to remain close to us. Just in case we needed any help, of course. I wish I could say I found it odd that, with a store full of customers, he continued to keep his eyes on only us. But Real recognize Real; I knew what was up. But it seems he couldn't keep his tongue or frustration subdued any longer.
"Have you decided yet?" the owner asked again.
"Not yet," I nonchalantly replied. Again. After being talked down to for the past 20 or so minutes, I was doing my best to tune this man out. "I'm still looking, and I don't think Andrew's even going to dress up for Halloween."
"OK guys, I need you to do me a favor," the owner said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I need you to go outside and don't come back in until you know what you want."
I stood there shocked. Not shocked that I was followed around a store. Not even shocked that I was asked to leave. I was dumb-founded by the fact that we were being temporarily kicked out. For fucking browsing.
"Are you serious?" Andrew inquired. "Why?"
"Because I don't like you two. I'm the owner and I want you both out of my store."
Although Andrew decided to take the low road and curse the man out, I decided to get my buddy and leave without a fuss -- after depositing a mouthful of saliva on the front steps. To the owner, and to many others, it might seem that I wasn't forceful enough. Even Andrew thought I should have stood my ground, got in the man's face and stated my case. But I refused to play into that asshole's hands and be the ignorant nigger he probably thought I was. I know the deal. I've seen this kind of arrogance and ignorance before. And I know there are no customer service agents to call because this is a locally-owned shop.
But what he didn't know is that Phyllis Oliver is my mother; Carol, Wilma and Debra are my aunts; and Tia is my sister. None of us willingly lay down and get violated with piss-poor customer service. If you want to be nasty with us, we will both take the high road all the while getting just as nasty with you.
Immediately after being told to leave, I got my sister on the phone and told her what happened. Although our conversation lasted for under a minute, we set up a plan for how to stick it to the man. Three days later, she, our cousin Amber, and their friends Cynthia, Chelsea and Malcolm met me at the costume shop. We we went in with the intentions of wasting as much time as possible. Try on as many costumes/wigs as possible. Ask as many questions as possible. But always being as congenial as possible.
Amber picked up a fake severed limbs, a female Freddie Krueger outfit and another outfit. My sister got the female boxer and sexy gangster outfits. Chelsea had the gold digger and opera singer. Cynthia had the naughty cop and 60's flower child. Malcolm had the six-foot-tall Stewie Griffin. Even though they didn't take long to try on costumes, and the sign clearly stated we could try on up to six costumes, the owner came by and rushed them with their costume fitting, further exemplifying the poor customer service that led to this ruse.
After an hour, everyone made their choices and headed to the check-out counter with the intentions of ringing it all up on one tab. I felt bad for what we were doing because all the employees were very helpful and friendly. It was the owner who unknowingly fucked it up for everyone else. After the cashier hand-keyed and bagged our $488-worth of merchandise, my sister and I "all of a suddenly" decided we didn't want any of it.
I've never seen a person's emotions go from pseudo-friendly to boiling red in 1.4 seconds before, but I saw it then. The owner quickly pointed at the six of us, told us to "get the hell off" his property, and that if he saw us on the property again, he would call the cops on us for trespassing. Seeing that we were completely unfazed by his threat, he whipped out his huge, 1997-era cell phone and called the cops that moment. Knowing to get out while the gettin's good, we piled into our cars and drove away, completely satisfied that we were able to stick it to the man while not turning into Sambos and coons in the process.
The moral of this story is to be nice to the people who spend money or will potentially spend money in your store. Just because you have a monopoly on the costume business after the only other party store was forced to temporarily shut down, doesn't mean people will put up with poor service. And if you want to fuck me, I'll fuck you back. With no lube.
Deuces.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGaFPJmMNbw
My amigo, Andrew, and I had loads of time to kill that Tuesday, so I suggested we go to the costume shop so I could try to find a costume. After about 30 or 45 minutes, the owner started following Andrew and I around the store, quickly telling us how great a product was as soon as either of us picked it up. But 20 minutes later, his patience wore thin.
"Have you decided what you want to be?" the owner asked.
"Well right now, I'm shooting for a Black Mexican, a pirate who can't swim, or an obese ninja," I replied. "But I can't decide. I'm just looking right now, tho."
"OK, but here, we're all about transforming people. And if you're not willing to be transformed, we don't want to waste your time, and we don't want you wasting our time."
The owner quit talking, but he made sure to stay at the end of the aisle, to remain close to us. Just in case we needed any help, of course. I wish I could say I found it odd that, with a store full of customers, he continued to keep his eyes on only us. But Real recognize Real; I knew what was up. But it seems he couldn't keep his tongue or frustration subdued any longer.
"Have you decided yet?" the owner asked again.
"Not yet," I nonchalantly replied. Again. After being talked down to for the past 20 or so minutes, I was doing my best to tune this man out. "I'm still looking, and I don't think Andrew's even going to dress up for Halloween."
"OK guys, I need you to do me a favor," the owner said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I need you to go outside and don't come back in until you know what you want."
I stood there shocked. Not shocked that I was followed around a store. Not even shocked that I was asked to leave. I was dumb-founded by the fact that we were being temporarily kicked out. For fucking browsing.
"Are you serious?" Andrew inquired. "Why?"
"Because I don't like you two. I'm the owner and I want you both out of my store."
Although Andrew decided to take the low road and curse the man out, I decided to get my buddy and leave without a fuss -- after depositing a mouthful of saliva on the front steps. To the owner, and to many others, it might seem that I wasn't forceful enough. Even Andrew thought I should have stood my ground, got in the man's face and stated my case. But I refused to play into that asshole's hands and be the ignorant nigger he probably thought I was. I know the deal. I've seen this kind of arrogance and ignorance before. And I know there are no customer service agents to call because this is a locally-owned shop.
But what he didn't know is that Phyllis Oliver is my mother; Carol, Wilma and Debra are my aunts; and Tia is my sister. None of us willingly lay down and get violated with piss-poor customer service. If you want to be nasty with us, we will both take the high road all the while getting just as nasty with you.
Immediately after being told to leave, I got my sister on the phone and told her what happened. Although our conversation lasted for under a minute, we set up a plan for how to stick it to the man. Three days later, she, our cousin Amber, and their friends Cynthia, Chelsea and Malcolm met me at the costume shop. We we went in with the intentions of wasting as much time as possible. Try on as many costumes/wigs as possible. Ask as many questions as possible. But always being as congenial as possible.
Amber picked up a fake severed limbs, a female Freddie Krueger outfit and another outfit. My sister got the female boxer and sexy gangster outfits. Chelsea had the gold digger and opera singer. Cynthia had the naughty cop and 60's flower child. Malcolm had the six-foot-tall Stewie Griffin. Even though they didn't take long to try on costumes, and the sign clearly stated we could try on up to six costumes, the owner came by and rushed them with their costume fitting, further exemplifying the poor customer service that led to this ruse.
After an hour, everyone made their choices and headed to the check-out counter with the intentions of ringing it all up on one tab. I felt bad for what we were doing because all the employees were very helpful and friendly. It was the owner who unknowingly fucked it up for everyone else. After the cashier hand-keyed and bagged our $488-worth of merchandise, my sister and I "all of a suddenly" decided we didn't want any of it.
I've never seen a person's emotions go from pseudo-friendly to boiling red in 1.4 seconds before, but I saw it then. The owner quickly pointed at the six of us, told us to "get the hell off" his property, and that if he saw us on the property again, he would call the cops on us for trespassing. Seeing that we were completely unfazed by his threat, he whipped out his huge, 1997-era cell phone and called the cops that moment. Knowing to get out while the gettin's good, we piled into our cars and drove away, completely satisfied that we were able to stick it to the man while not turning into Sambos and coons in the process.
The moral of this story is to be nice to the people who spend money or will potentially spend money in your store. Just because you have a monopoly on the costume business after the only other party store was forced to temporarily shut down, doesn't mean people will put up with poor service. And if you want to fuck me, I'll fuck you back. With no lube.
Deuces.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGaFPJmMNbw
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
When you came in, the air went out...
Time for another live blog on True Blood. This is for the Aug. 2 ep; let's keep it funky. Oh, and no haterade.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I wanna do bad things with you....TRUE BLOOD Live Blog
The time is here my people. It's Sunday night and it's going down. Leave your comments here during the show. Let's all have a great time; and please, no hate toward any other poster. Thanks.
B.rand
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