Memorial Day was approaching and I had nothing planned. I thought I'd be a lame and get stuck at home on a day that should be full of cook-outs and beach trips, but Andrew came through with a plan. He invited me to go with him, Justin, Sean, and (later) Manny to Bear Paw, a river intertubing service in Marianna, Fla. I was happy to get an invite, but there was one very VERY important factor on which i would base my decision.
I don't believe in believing in stereotypes, but I prove one of them to be true. I CANNOT SWIM. Not at all. I can get myself to the top of the water, but that's about it. So before I accepted the invite, I asked, "Andrew, how deep is the water? I want to go, but you know I can't swim." With a straight face, Andrew said, "around three feet deep."
Three feet, you say? That's not deep at all, because I'm 6'1. That's what I was thinking the whole ride over there. Once we get there, I ask again, just to be sure, how deep the water is. Justin, not knowing I couldn't swim, nonchalantly says, "it's shallow, but parts of it get to be 8-10 feet deep.
WHAT THE FUCK!!! That was the end of my good day, and it was only 11 a.m. (noon eastern time). For the next four and a half hours, and the next 3-4 hours, i bitched, complained, lived and moved in fear, and cursed out (silently and very loudly) Andrew for purposefully misleading me into a dirty river in the middle of the country, where I was one of the only four black people I saw the whole time.
What have I learned from my experience? Never go anywhere Andrew invites you unless you've been there first. Punch the shit out of anyone who, after knowingly guiding you to near death, says "if i would have told you how (insert adjective here) it was, you wouldn't have came." And last but not least, if you wind up going bitch for four hours in front of your friends and co-workers, try your hardest to attempt to look on the bright side.
Keep it sleazy,
B.Rand
P.S. Not to be an utter downer, the bright sides of the trip were funny conversations when I wasn't fearing for my life, people trying their best to cheer me up, a complete stranger giving me a beer, and my companions, despite my constant bitching, pissing and moaning, "towing" me and my tube for a good 3 and a half miles. Thanks guys.
