Pig speech...continued.

On Tuesday, my friends hosted what I believe is their seventh annual Christmas party. What has become a tradition is passing around peppermint pig, listing the things that year for which you are thankful, then pummeling the pig with a tiny hammer. Although I named quite a lot of people, things and experiences for which I was grateful, there are some I forgot to list. And the party was full of things for which to be thankful. So here we go.

I'm thankful that the crew is back together. Having to hang out with portions of the crew at different times and not mentioning those times to other crew members really sucked.

I'm thankful for people loving me exactly like I am but who will always encourage me to better myself.

I'm thankful for my NE Florida crew, Central Florida crew, Tally crew and all the friends and family that are out there.

I'm thankful for people who are on the same DRANKIN level as I am.

I'm thankful for gifts that come from the heart and that fit the recipient like a glove (figuratively speaking).

I'm thankful for people who buy a shit load of pizza when you have the drunk munchies.

I'm thankful for people who don't get mad when you get shit wrecked wasted, brown out, get lost in their two-bedroom condo and then mistakenly barge into their bedroom like Chester the molester.

I'm thankful for coconut water and Pedialyte.

I'm thankful for some of the most delicious brownies ever.

I'm thankful that said friends' floor is a surprisingly comfortable to sleep.

And I'm thankful to get to live the life I live with the people I know. And I can't wait to continue this journey.

Happy holidays,
Brandon D.

Fear and self-loathing in Jacksonville

I've been eating better for two years and working out for almost as long. As I have gone through this process, I've tried to keep my workout routine varied and ever-expanding. I want to push myself to do things I never thought I would be able to do, things I never thought I would WANT to do and things that would push me out of my comfort zone. Since I have a slightly crippling fear of heights but want to gain some climbing abilities for an up-coming four-mile run and obstacle course, I decided to try my hand at rock wall climbing.

One of my friends -- looking at you, Trent! -- is an avid climber is constantly preaching the glory that is supposed to be climbing. He has been constantly telling me how much of the body it works and how it breaks the monotony of gym workouts. But I can be a pretty vain person at times. As much as I tell myself that other people's opinions don't matter to me, I put way too much emphasis on what I think of me. My appearance, my behavior, my actions and how well those actions are executed. Even when I started my #GetRight plan, It took me a month and a half before I worked up the courage to step into a gym. It took me about five months after that before I would go into the weight room and attempt to work out with the people who looked like the worked out for a living. Those same apprehensions always made me say thing like "that's nice" or "I'll do it one day, I swear" whenever my friend mention the benefits of climbing. But if there's one thing I hate more than looking like a loser doing something in front of a crowd of people who are well-experience at said activity, it's letting fear and apprehensions keep me from doing things.

As soon as I stepped foot into the rock gym -- I do mean as soon as-- I knew that I would not come out of this venture with the highest of self-esteem.I don't lack the strength to climb, but finding the right hand and foot holes and not being afraid of the fall proved more difficult than I expected. I got the privilege of watching more experienced climbers practically sprint to the top of the wall while I had to talk myself into climbing higher than the halfway mark. Starting courses that were supposed to be easy but not being able to climb even a quarter of the way made me thing twince about what I've really accomplished while on my #GetRight plan. I just hope no one saw me frozen for 45 seconds in the middle of the wall, too afraid to climb up, climb down or just let go.

But today's activities weren't horrible. If I had to evaluate my performance, I'd say I did OK. Eventually, I got acclaimated with the wall and was able to climb higher and faster. I got an amazing workout; my arms and thigh are still ringing. Despite the self-deprecation and awkwardness, I want to go again. Like, now! But the climbing brought me back to reality. For the past week, I've been riding euphoria waves after celebrating two years of good living and at least 105 pounds lost. Although I've had some amazing progress, I'm constantly reminded that even after 2 years of living right, I'm still more than 50 pounds overweight. Sure I'm able to run now, but in the time it takes me to run two miles, some of my friends can run 3.1 miles. I enjoy lifting weights, but my bench pressing weight is atrocious for someone who has worked out for almost two years. And when I see 18-month before-and-after weight loss pictures of people who now have rock hard bodies, I have to take a 30-minute time out to tell myself that I started at a much higher weight and that's why I'm not in Randy Love g-string shape.

Guess who won't be deterred, though. Take your time; I'm hourly. This guy!!! I'm going to go back -- with a partner, a group or by my damn self -- and I'm going to do better than I did today. I'm going to eventually climb with ease, find better climbing route, not being afraid of the height, and not worrying about how I am percieved in a room full of experiensed climbers. I want the muscle game, strength and agility climbing will give me, and I want to conquor this run/obstacle course next year. I guess I just had to face my fears and struggles head-on before I could progress. I feel a lot better now.

Until next time,
Brandon D. Oliver

P.S., I had no idea climbing would be so uncomfortable on my bat and balls!

Happy Two-Year Anniversary to Me!!!

 Imagine a man who couldn’t climb two flights of stairs without being winded. A man who wore long shirts to hide his inevitably appearing butt crack when he sat down. Someone who refused to go shopping with people so he could avoid the envy of being the only person who couldn’t find clothes that fit. That guy was me two years ago before I decided two years ago today to change my less than ideal situation. I had spent the better part of 26 and a half years eating fast and junk food, avoiding physical activity and remaining stuck in my ways. But on November 30, 2010, I took the first steps of quite the eventful, life-changing Journey.

When I embarked on my #GetRight plan, I first decided to give up fast food, vending machine items and sodas. Living in Palatka, Fla., giving up those items is basically like eliminating 80 percent of available food and drink from my diet. I forced myself to cook more, incorporate more fruits and veggies into my diet, and eat five smaller, healthier meals per day as opposed to three huge fattening meals. To keep from getting bored with eating only sandwiches and fruit, I have spent the past two years looking up new and healthy recipes and stepping out of my comfort zone to find more diverse foods that wouldn't pack on the poundage. And what I thought would be the hardest part of getting my shit together -- but turned out to not be that bad -- was limiting my alcohol to only Fridays and Saturdays. But fuck that policy on my birthday and holidays.

A month and a half after revamping my diet, I joined a gym and forced myself to go there four to five times per week. It took me that long to work up the courage to step all 370+ pounds of myself into a building full of people who could run miles, do different versions of pull-ups and push-ups and bench press what looked like a gajillion pounds. But getting my shit together was all about conquering my fears and pushing myself to new heights. So I made myself spend at least 90 minutes a day in USA Fitness after I got off work, sacrificing my evening frolicking time but probably saving myself some money. After a month of working out and a first week of being more sore than a new hooker just before dawn, working out became easier and shockingly very exciting. Light working out lead to intense working out, which lead to distance running, which lead to a once unthinkable desire to participate in various 5K races.

It's been two years and my body has gradually shrunk by at least 109 pounds. Since the mere thought of stepping on a scale two years ago would have made me shit myself, I don't know what my weight was on that November day two years ago. But I know 370 pounds was the lowest amount that I could have weighed. I was wearing 4X shirts, and my size 54 pants didn't actually fit waist level. After some hard work, sacrificing a lot of things that once brought me joy, periods of self-doubt and self-deprecation, body envy, reading health blogs and tons of advice from people with workout and food knowledge, I made it down to 261 pounds. (Side note: I'm currently hovering between 260 and 270). I'm finally able to find clothes in stores and sections that don't read "plus-size," and it is way more gratifying than I thought it would be. Wearing XL shirts and size 42 pants is AMAAAAAAZING!!!

As mind-blowingly orgasmic as the aesthetic Team #GetRight results are, the other weight loss benefits far outweigh them. I am way more energetic than I once was. Seriously! It's like I smoked a joint full of Five Hour Energy: Life Version. Sitting down for more than an hour makes me restless. I've done three 5K races and found out I love camping (but only for 24 hours or less; I don't shit in the woods). Along with the abundance in energy came an adrenalin shot of confidence. Now, when I say "I'm the shit," I actually believe it. When I go to the beach, I take off the undershirt I would have worn two years ago. Healthy eating and regular physical activity has made my immune system as impenetrable as Alcatraz. My hair and skin is just as healthy as the rest of me. I've been introduced to lemon water, Greek yogurt, hummus with pita bread and a host of other uppity items. I trip over and run into things in the gym because I'm too busy checking out myself in the mirrored walls. And my stamina, flexibility, endurance and sex drive have shot through the roof. Too bad I'm not getting laid right now. MESSAGE!

Though amazing, the #GetRight journey has not been easy. I came into the weight loss plan knowing I couldn't undo overnight what took more more than a quarter of a century to do. But I wasn't prepared for how long this process would take. Or how often I would hit a bump in the road. Plateaus can go fuck themselves, fuck their mothers and then go fuck themselves all over again but in a different orifice. Spending weeks busting my ass, giving up McDoubles and having all kinds of food guilt when I decide to have a cocktail only to see that I haven't lost any pounds makes me want to savagely beat a baby. A baby human! And that's why I'm glad I had people, some of whom had already experienced what I was feeling, who gave me workout/eating advice and or boost my spirits right before my fist hit the babies' cranial soft spots.

It's been two years, and I can say, without ego, that I have accomplished tremendous feats. But my #GetRight plan is not complete. I'm closer 270 pounds in this ten-pound weight range on which I'm currently plateaued, so I still have about 50 more pounds to drop. But for now, I will enjoy the moment. I would also like to express my gratitude to all the people who have encouraged me, given me advice, recommended weight loss blogs, offered exercise tips and have "liked" my countless Facebook and Twitter workout posts instead of unfriending me. I also want to encourage everyone else who is on Team #GetRight. Keep doing what you're doing, and keep bettering yourself, whether you're getting right your health, finances, company you keep or whatever.

This has been an amazing journey that has surprised me countless times. And I don't plan on stopping. LETS DO THIS!!!

-Brandon D.

P.S.: Being able to better see your penis is a huge plus. Too bad others aren't seeing it. MESSAGE!