Re-making friends

NOTE: I have to be at work in about 23 minutes and I'm not dressed yet; please forgive my errors.

It's been a tad bit over five years since I've graduated from Palatka High and moved away to Tallahassee. During the five years, I, along with mostly everyone and everything, have changed a lot since then. My outlook on life has gotten darker, more cynical. My alcohol consumption has risen (don't judge me; let God do it). And I've become more of an individual and not let family and friends dictate most of what I do.

I thought it was just me. But after talking to my friend, Jordan, on MySpace IM yesterday, I realized he has too. The last time I had a conversation with this dude, as far as I can recall, was the Sunday after I graduated in 2002. We've been MySpace and Facebook friends for quite a bit, but we all know that, a lot of times, FB and MS friends aren't really friends. So while i was just chillin' and ish, I decided to say hello and see if we could at least carry this thing on for five minutes.

After talking to him, I found out we actually have a lot in common. We are both shy people who came out of our shells after high school. We both at some point in our lives worked as correspondents for the Palatka Daily News. We both enjoy writing. And, it seems, neither of us knew this about each other back in the day. We were cool, but we just didn't know.

So this all has me thinking how much I could know/have known about a lot of my friends if i just listen and be more observant. How many more REAL friends could I have made in high school and college if I would have made more of an effort? And since we have all changed, could I be cool with people whom I really were not previously cool?

Hmm, makes me wonder...

B.Rand

When it's over

For as long as I can remember, people have always talked, and gossiped, about the recently dead. "She had a long, eventful life." "His kids are going to be left in debt because he didn't pay his bills." "He was old and weak; it was a blessing he went." "I heard she was sleeping with the dude who shot her."

Yeah, I've heard all of that in some shape or form, and it shocked me to hear the negative comments. I used to be a tad naive, thinking people only said nice things about the deceased--you know, out of respect. But, hey, I would be mad at everyone if they didn't say what was on their mind. But at the same time, I often wonder: What will people say/think about me when God strikes me down.

But this is not some vain attempt to keep people from talking bad about me when I'm dead and gone. People will talk regardless. What I'm trying to get at is what my legacy will be. How will I affect people? What will be my life's highlights? And did anyone see my method of death coming a mile away?

There are so many things, some of which I've only told a few people, I want to do with my life. But after recently celebrating my 23rd birthday, i realize my life just might be a quarter of the way finished (maybe more), and I seriously doubt I've made my mark on the world.

• I want to write fiction books, maybe even some movies. Sure it would be cool to act, but come on: a fat black guy, who had never acted, with a bald spot and a limp. Who would I be fooling.
• Sure Florida is nice, but God made about 1.49 trillion other places, and I would really like to see some of these places before I die. The American Plains, Hawaii, Japan, parts of Africa where I won't get brutally murdered, Spain, Australia, Central America. The possibilities are endless.
• I refuse to live life alone, so I would really like to find a common hood rat, wife her up, and raise some kids. I need a girlfriend; applications are coming out soon.
• I want to, and will, lose some weight. My grandparents had/have diabetes. Heart disease is prevalent among black people. And cancer can really beat down a black man's prostate. So why must I help out the Reaper by being fat? I mean, really.

I want to accomplish all of these things, but what I most want to do before I'm dead, cremated, and had my ashes spread over Halle Berry's grave is to just be a great person. I think I'm good at life now, but there is always room for improvement. I could died in 50 years or five minutes from now. I just want to make sure when I'm gone, people will have nice memories of me...like my torrid love affair with Rosario Dawson.