Every now and then, a revolutionary comes along and, against all odds, breaks box office records and wows the movie-viewing public. "Paranormal Activity" was made with a measly $15,000 budget about three years ago. It finally found a studio to distribute the movie, but from the lack of PA commercials, I gather there was barely a budget for marketing the movie.
But what PA had going for it was positive word of mouth. From Yahoo to IMDB to RottenTomatoes to countless Facebook friends, I heard that PA was the bee's knees of low-budget horror movies. So scary that grown men admitted to screaming like 12-year-old girls in the theater. So unnerving that people wondered if they'd be able to fall asleep that night. With such positive reviews from so many outlets, how could I not watch this movie?
I met up wit two of my co-workers at AMC theaters in hopes of watching PA and being so terrified that I would lose control of one or two of my bodily function. I don't know what movie everyone else saw, but I saw 86 minutes of boring, poorly-acted, poorly-scripted bullshit. I will (without giving away the plot) run down the stuff that left me emotions and wallet feeling like they just got molested by a creepy uncle.
*Poor acting. I know the movie's minuscule budget didn't allow the power to be to hire Morgan Freeman and Maggie Smith, but I know they could have found some talented yet unknown actors to on the two lead parts. Instead we were stuck with boring, untalented Micah and Katie.
*I knew how to resolve the movie within 20 minutes. All one person in the movie had to do was kick another person out of the house for good and I think things would have been alright.
*Horrible pacing. Since there actors couldn't act, I just had to have faith that the action in the movie would more than redeem the action. I was wrong. I sat there waiting for something to happen. Nothing happen. And when something did happen, the movie ended 20 seconds later.
*It wasn't scary. I've seen my share of disturbing, vomit-inducing photos and videos, both real and fictional. So my fear tolerance is ridiculously strong. But I tend to let things slide when I watch horror movies. I let down my guard and let myself get slightly spooked by what I see. Not here. The movie was so cheesy that I found myself laughing during most of the "scary" parts.
*The length. You read correctly earlier. The movie is only an hour and and 26 minute. Had they extended the movie and added material after that one scary part at the end, I think it would have made up for the foolishness with which I had to deal.
*Why now? All this time a certain something as been going on for a long time with a certain person in this movie. And it waits until now to come to a head. Why not that other time. (If you've seen the movie, you'll know what I mean.)
I know I am very critical about movies, but when everyone in the theater gave a collective "That's it? What the fuck?", I could rest easy knowing I wasn't the only one who thought PA was a huge shit sandwich.
